I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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