Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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