i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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