ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they're like a gay fantastic four
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
