Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
