I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
