My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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