How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ketchup is God's man juice
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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