if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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