My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
