She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize