How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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