he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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