u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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