i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
