its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
