I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
