let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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