Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
