He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
