wanna go halves on a baby?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
