Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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