Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
