I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize