Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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