craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
