i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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