LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
