got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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