No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
