The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
