she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
