Your tits are I can't wait for
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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