So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
