I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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