lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
