My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize