How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
