I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
