somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
