Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
