What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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