Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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