guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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