Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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