her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
