i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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