Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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