Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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