The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
