I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
