my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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