dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
