i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
