we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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