Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
