ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
