Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
