apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
