if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
