Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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