I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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