i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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