Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
