she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
