I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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