did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
