Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
