Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
