i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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