i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
