Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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