it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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