hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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