tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
