im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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