Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
