Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
