My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
